Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize