I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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