Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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