Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
