My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
