call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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