I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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