On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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