NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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