mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
