I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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