i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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