he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
