that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
