if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
