I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
