I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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