How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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