Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
