it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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