I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
