Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
