I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
