I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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