just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
