There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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