She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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