if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
