All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
