the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
