So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
