You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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