I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
