I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
