he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
