you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
