he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't deserve a penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
