Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
