somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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