five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
