Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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