The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
