i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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