I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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