he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
