I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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