So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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