he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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