You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
