The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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