I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
