Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
