somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
