No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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