Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
