Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize