i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
