Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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