I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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