i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
