your parents love me but you hate me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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