May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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