um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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