Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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