aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
