I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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