dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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