Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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